‘Women are the pride of our families and societies,’ we were told. ‘Many cows will be paid for you’. It is said with pride – the way it has always been and the way it must be.

The intention is for the cultural systems to link families and communities together and ensure a girl is married into a family that will value her as much hers. It is said that the culture is unchangeable and where it has been transformed, it is blamed on war but still, it must be respected.

Rape, sexual harassment, forced and early marriage and exploitation have become so common that the things we have been told about how special we are must be a lie. The reality is that today a girl is monetized before marriage and treated like property after it. In times of conflict, being considered precious by our tribes only makes us targets, a means to inflict pain on the perceived other.

In the end, it is everyone who loses. Men, women and the children we bear, our cultures and the country we all share.

As a human rights activist in South Sudan since 2005, I have heard countless accounts of inter-community violence, human loss and sexual violence. Cruelty has become the accepted culture and the only remedies are tolerance or violence. They were called remnants of war and its effects on culture and time will heal all.